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By Kathy Keatley Garvey
TheReporter.Com

There's something, well, peculiar, about the food pyramid just released by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Never mind that it took four years and $2.4 million to change the 13-year-old pyramid into the one you see today.

The new pyramid shows a stick figure racing up the steps. Sticks, as you know, need lots of exercise, and the way they get it is by racing up the steps of a food pyramid. Shake a leg! Get the lead out! You go, girl (or guy)! There's a triple cheeseburger, a double order of French fries and a super-sized chocolate shake waiting for you at the top. Sticks do not race up steps. They stand at the bottom and push the elevator button.

Next to The Stick Person are six vertical, rainbow-colored bands stretching from the top to the bottom, or apex to the base. You can't possibly know they represent the food groups unless you go to www.mypyramid.gov. The reason they call it "my pyramid" is because it's yours. You paid for it and you can personalize it.

There are no icons or labels on the bands of colors, probably because the USDA folks want you to get more exercise by clicking on the individual colors. Then you will learn that orange is for grains, green is for vegetables, red is for fruit, yellow is for oils, blue is for milk, and purple is for meat and beans. Just think of the tri-tip on your plate as purple. Got milk? Got blue? If you can remember all that, then you pass with flying colors.

Do not confuse the colors with homeland security advisory system of terrorist alerts. You know, green is low, blue is guarded, yellow is elevated, orange is high, and red is severe. We are in a yellow alert now, and that means oils in the food pyramid. If we go up a color to orange, we're on high alert for grains. And red? Severe terrorist attack and fruits. That's something to shake a stick at.

If you're really confused, just think of "red and blue" as representing the states that went Republican or Democrat in the last presidential election. Blue? That would be Democrats. Land of milk. Forget the honey. Red? In the grand pyramid scheme of things, that would represent Republicans and fruits. By placing the food guide pyramid on the Internet and letting folks personalize it - isn't that what those teenage boys with raging hormones are doing on the public-access computers in the Solano County libraries? - the plan is to educate us about nutritional food choices, physical activity and healthy lifestyles. Promised Land Bread
1 1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup honey
1 teaspoon salt
1 package or one tablespoon active dry yeast
1/4 cup warm water
6 cups sifted unbleached white flour (approximately) Bottom layer:
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup butter or margarine
Top layer:
2 eggs
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice (approximately 1 large lime)
1/2 teaspoon grated lime zest (optional)
1 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
4-5 drops green food coloring lightly browned. While the crust is baking prepare the topping layer. Mix well and pour the mixture over the hot baked crust. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 325 degrees. Remove from 
the oven and sprinkle with powdered sugar. Cool and cut into small squares. * * * After-School Strawberry Shake
1 pint basket strawberries, stemmed
2 medium bananas, peeled and cut into 1-inch pieces
3 cups ice cubes, divided
1/2 cup nonfat strawberry or plain yogurt
1/2 cup orange juice
2 tablespoons honey equally. Serves 3.

More recipes from Kathy Garvey can be found at  www.thereporter.com. Or
E-mail her at kathygarvey@mac.com.